Non-Vegan Beans on Toast

I was made with animal products.

Once upon a time, I did a radio show about books, and I was a vegetarian.  One day this vegan cookbook comes my way.

Now, my show was not a book review show, but an author interview show. I used to read the books, then interview authors about their books. Hence how I met Kirsten Koza. If the author wrote, say, a cookbook, I would have to, you know, make at least a few recipes from that cookbook.

This wasn't the first time I had a cookbook author on the show. On an earlier show I had eviscerated poor Evelyn Raab, author of The Clueless Baker, because my boyfriend at the time (aka Spousal Unit) totally fucked up every recipe he tried from that cookbook. And if my clueless boyfriend couldn't follow a muffin recipe from a book called "The Clueless Baker", then obviously that cookbook wasn't really made for the clueless.

Of course, the recipes rocked otherwise, but I still grilled that poor woman about why she claimed that the recipes were for the clueless when she had, evidently, never tested them on the clueless. It was ... not pretty.

Anyways, I decided that I would be nice to this vegan cookbook author. The problem was that I really hate tofu, I can't stand eating meatless (read: fake) meatballs, and, at the time, had the tiniest kitchen in the universe (that was also somewhat crawling with roaches). So any recipe that used tofu, required loads of kitchen prep, or involved faking meat was out of the question.

In other words, all I could make were the bean dishes.

So I made her black beans on toast. Of course, I made a million substitutions, like using real garlic instead of garlic powder, and using tomatoes and hot peppers instead of bottled salsa. I also added maple syrup, grated (real) cheddar all over it, and topped it off with a fried egg. It was very tasty, if not exactly vegan -- or anything like the original recipe.

It's a meal I enjoy to this day.

PS: The vegan cookbook author was really nice. I interviewed her over lunch at a vegan restaurant. I ate kohlrabi, chickpeas, and chocolate cake. The chocolate cake was made with tofu and its "frosting" was made with avocado and cocoa. It was OK, but I farted a lot.

Not Avocado and Cheddar Crepes

We were supposed to have avocado and cheddar crepes.

Whaddya mean "Ewwwwwwwww"? Hey! Come back here!

Lacking a certain je ne sais quoi.

Avocado and cheddar crepes are tasty! They aren't as good as brie and avocado crepes, but they're pretty damned good. The coolness and firm creaminess of the avocado counters the hot, salty oiliness of the cheese, making for a very satisfying taste experience, whether in a crepe or in a sandwich.

And avocado and cheese crepes are even better when smothered in maple syrup.  Though in all fairness even cardboard tastes awesome smothered in maple syrup.

OK.  Are we good now?  You're gonna try this at least once, right?  No?  Well, too bad, this is my blog and my food.

Anyways, all the avocados were bad despite looking firm and being bought only two days prior, so we just had cheese crepes.